I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
