In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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