Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
