I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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