just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Randomize
