I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Everclear isn't food dammit
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
