i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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