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My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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