small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
