wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
