I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
