You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
