Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
