Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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