My sheets look like a crime scene.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
tell me about the eggs
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize