just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
