If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
