i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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