i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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