i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
