My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
