She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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