i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
