Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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