so let's talk penis.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
