3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize