Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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