We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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