he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
