And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
