This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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