Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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