Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
