you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
