Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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