The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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