I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
