I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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