Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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