I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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