I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
