Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
