dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
