it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
