i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
