mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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