my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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