I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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