They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
