I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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