I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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