Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
