I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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