so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize