i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
