she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
