trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
