Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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