Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
