You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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