Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
