I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
