Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
