I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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