How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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