i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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