I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
