Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
