Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
