Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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