I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
