Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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