I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
