Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I AM VODKA MAN
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
