But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
how drunk are you?
Several
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
