if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
