thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
