Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
