my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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