You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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