hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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