fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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