Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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