i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
