1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
