At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
