We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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