he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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