How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
