Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
