One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
