she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
