she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
