I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
