..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
