Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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