Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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