right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
