hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
