Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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