i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
