Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize